The picture of a sunny day.

gimpunk:

themagicaxeman:

There’s a new club you get to join when your disabled, no one tells you about it or that your a member, you find out for yourself as time goes on.

I call it “the unfuckables club”.

You see to most when you become disabled, be it physically or mentally you also become sexless.

Society and officialdom seems to have a real problem dealing with the fact that not only do you think about sex, but that you might want to continue to have sex, its like a taboo subject that no one wants to talk about or do anything to help enable you to continue/have a sex life.

My own experience when dealing with different departments has in some cases shocked me.

I can remember when we where trying to get the special profiling bariatric bed I needed sorted out, there was an automatic assumption that I would require a single sized bed, this assumption also applies to those who are married or in a relationship.

When I questioned the occupational therapist on the issue she said “well its not like your going to be having sex again is it?” when I replied yes I damn well was,she replied “how?”, of course I fired back very quickly with “do you want me to tell you or are you gonna get in so I can show you”.

I had to fight tooth and nail to get a double sized bed and each step of the way had to go through the humiliation of explaining why I should be entitled to have a sex life and how I would manage to have one.

Then you face the public’s attitude, now I know I’m no oil painting and I’m on the wrong side of what is perceived as “wrinkly” for many these days but I’m not that ugly, I’m not deformed, I have no bits missing and everything still works very well thank you.

Yet people automatically discount you because you are disabled with one of the worst assumptions being that you want someone to look after you.

Hell no we don’t!! we have carer’s who take care of that side of our lives.

What we want is fun with a capital F, some want love and tenderness others just want the same as you guys, someone to both bang the shit out of and who will bang the shit out of them, just good old glorious no holds bared,dirty, filthy, messy sex!

I have other friends who have experienced similar and it must be as frustrating for them as it is me, in fact I know that it is.

I’m fast coming to the conclusion that as a member of the unfuckables club our only solution is to pay for our pleasure, but you know what? I really don’t want that and don’t think we should have too.

I’ve also seen dating clubs for the disabled, but hello!! two disabled people together? your just gonna end up with a tangled mess that they cant get themselves out of!! that’s if they can do anything in the first place apart from bump wheel chairs! you cant exactly have carers standing by to move them into the next position while another moves their hips for them.

What they really need is an able bodied partner who can do everything they cant do, for them (sex & intimacy wise).

I won’t give up, I know that, but some days you do feel like giving up.

But this is not so much going “woah is me, life sucks, I ain’t getting any” but more about raising an issue that no one really thinks about and breaking the taboo.

Ah, but in certain countries the government will pay prostitutes to fuck you; it’s considered a form of charity. Now don’t you feel special?

And if any able-bodied person does decide to have sex with you without any form of payment society considers them sexual perverts and you the victim.

As to the two disabled people in a sexual relationship I disagree that it should be unfavorable or out of the question, although it is often a terrible stereotype that we have to “settle” for each other.

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mizztwerk:

guide to seeing a disabled person in public:
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•don’t fucking do anything we’re fucking normal jesus fucking christ don’t talk to me like i’m a gotdamn yorkshire terrier u piece of shit

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gimpunk:

“Unless you or someone you love has XYZ you cannot understand how it feels” is a template sentence I hear more and more often about people with disabilities and it is such bullshit.

Only a disabled person knows what it is like to have THEIR disability.  I have spinal atrophy muscular dystrophy type two and I wont ever claim to understand what it’s like to have spinal atrophy muscular dystrophy type one or three.

My mother, friends, mail man, etc. cannot know what it is like to be disabled let alone what it is to have my specific experiences (I have talked more on this here) and I’m going to go so far as to say those close to us are often more insensitive to us than strangers are.

Don’t get me wrong, strangers have yelled things at me, hit me, molested me, humiliated me…the list goes on and on and those incidents are nothing compared to the offenses my family/friends committed against me, but that is for another time.

People that have seen me hurt and hospitalized because of my disease and the MANY subsequent ills “joke” about how they love going places with me so they can get to park up front or maybe wait inside a venue for the opening instead of waiting in line.  These same people quickly ditch me if they want to go somewhere or do something that is not accessible to me.  If I act anything less than thrilled for them I am being a bitch and too clingy.

I have had friends that treated me normally and have related to me on personal levels but they then get carried away with the attention they get from strangers for being a cripple’s friend.  They start talking down to me in public or refusing to give me the independence they would in private.  They loved being seen as selfless and an inspiration for willingly caring for (not hanging out with, as was the actual situation) a crippled.  On the flip side, there have also been people annoyed with this attention and misplaced adoration and it has taken a tole on our relationship.

Then there are those people that enter into romantic and sexual partnerships with disabled people who also often fall into those two categories and it adds more pressure to an already socially unacceptable relationship.

Even being witnesses to offensive comments made toward us, abel-bodied friends/family often say the most insensitive things, all the more worse because their opinions mean something and they make them when we are in our safe spaces with our guards down.  I once was spending a boring summer day at home with a friend who, hours into lazy TV watching, suddenly tells me no one will want me because I’m in a wheelchair.

These are not anomalies, these are universal experiences for the disabled.

These are also examples of well meaning people who intend to be loving, this doesn’t even begin to touch on the people who prey on disabled people for physically/emotionally hostile or sexual purposes (fyi: these are not devotees)

They say it’s hard for the rich and famous to maintain relationships, think how hard it is for the regular disabled Joe with acne.

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gimpunk:

Most able-bodied people (and even some disabled people who have become such later in life) have no idea why calling any and all achievements of disabled people “inspirational” are offensive.  I want to lay out a clear explanation as best I can for all of you but I can only speak from my own experience so if anyone would like to add their own stories or arguments, please do.

I want to begin with something more easily relatable, so I’ll begin by using feminism as an example.

I grew up in the 80’s with a strong influence of feminism; it was after women had fought for my right to wear pants and eventually vote and grow up to be a doctor or an astronaut, but before the hyper-PC-marketing drones started creating a pink-mutant versions of every toy and tool in the major downward shift we are dealing with now.  I was dressed in gender-neutral clothes since infancy, played with army men and fashion dolls effortlessly with playmates of all genders, and was raised by a working mom and stay at home dad.  Given all this it was quite a shock when I went to school and was told “girls can do anything boys can do!”

Well…No shit, Sherlock.  I was living the progressive equality the staff preached to us and so instead of giving me strength and self-worth it did almost the opposite; I came to realize that the revolutions of the 70s were but a handful of years ago and not from some ancient time I had dubbed “before-I-was-born” I realized those oppressive biggots my parent’s and their peers fought against were much like my parents…old, but still alive and very much in charge of my life.  It was about that time my class stopped playing inclusively and we were separating ourselves by binary genders.  Not that this was the result of history lessons headlined as Girl Power, but it reinforced the animosity that was growing among us.  The girls were being constantly reminded of how able and equal they were, pressuring us to achieved based not on our natural talents or vigilant studied but based on the performances of our male peers, and the boys were constantly being reminded and held responsible for oppression THEY had brought upon us whether they had actually done so yet or not.

I could go on and on at the implications of the society and culture this cultivated but I’ll leave the feminism to my Live Journal, this is about cripples.

Do you see how this relates?

This “You can do it!” teaching style soon became old hat and so when I was told by teachers, doctors, physical therapists, inspirational, and total strangers that I was inspiring I knew what they meant; the act of being born disabled and yet still showing my face in public was abnormal behavior and the world didn’t expect normality out of me for the simple fact I sit in a chair with wheels.

I am not nor have ever been mentally impaired and so I attended what was called “mainstream school” with the normal kids.  I got no special treatment and was able to maintain a position in honor-roll from K-12 based on my grades.  Aside from my final four years I was required to attend inspirational speaker events every few months by the county who decided I needed to go despite it taking place during school hours.  My classmates, suspicions of my privilege given my good grades and my always coming in late (they didn’t know I rode on a short bus because it usually picked me up well after school started due to lack of funds and alcoholic drivers), grew worse when I was “allowed” to leave class for these special events.  This resulting in MORE bullying and shunning.  No one listened to me when I said I had to make up for the work by doing extra homework despite being there for less of the lessons to learn how to do it.  I not only had to go to these events I was forced to stay afterward to meet the speakers who were ALWAYS men who were paralyzed in sports accidents (I believed until my 20’s that all paraplegics were solely employed as inspirational speakers) who said nothing I could relate to.  When I asked to stop attending (or skip even one, for the love of God) I was lectured for being bitter and needing to hear these speakers all the more.

Add in the fact that as annoyed as this made me I was also told my mood better change or I would be pulled from mainstream to be put in a disabled class which meant I would not get a regular education, stay in grade school until I was 18, and kept separate and out of sight from the normal kids.  You can understand why I became enraged at the word inspirational, I’m sure.

I understood even as a child no one outside of my situation would understand this, so I always bit my lip and smiled when strangers came up to me to tell me I was an inspiration.  It was (is) always when I was at a restaurant, grocery shopping, waiting outside a bathroom for a friend; always something mundane and un-inspirational.  They said “you are such an inspiration” and I heard “I’ve never seen a cripple in public” “I want people to see me talking to you” “doing things I take for granted must be the highlight of your life.”  It seems (I hate this word too…) bitter, but put into context that every other time someone approaches me it is to say something rude, hurt me, or molest me.  The only time a normal question or comment is intended for me it is directed to someone I am with and more often or not I am referred to as “wheelchair.”

So, you see a photo of an athlete with a disability and use your Tumblr to express the warmth that comes over you at the sight, but in doing so you bring back a life time of abuse and isolation for me with one word: inspirational.  Now I’ve said my peace and shared the tip of the iceberg of history that has me and my disabled peers calling you an asshole, the ball is in your court.  Either stop dehumanizing us like this or start putting a trigger warning on these things, at least then you can be respectful as well as showing off your able-boner.

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