We will let you be lazy for a week.
You will wake up your first morning. If you have somewhere to go, you will lie in bed thinking, “get up…get up….get up….” as time passes. You might even start to cry when your body doesn’t obey you. Finally, you will either call in sick or you will push yourself into emergency panicked mode and move.
We will allow you though, to mostly never leave your bed. If you have to pee, we’ll let you pee three hours after you first mention your need, just for the full experience.
Food is based on how much energy it will take to both prepare and eat for the calories it’ll give you. Fully prepared meals? No way. Not unless that’s the only thing you’re going to do that day. And fruits and vegetables? Oranges are easy to eat but cost energy to peel. Pre-cut baby carrots are easy to prepare but cost too much energy to chew. Lettuce is a joke. Three granola bars can be considered a meal.
We will tantalize you with offers to beaches and parks, fairs and theaters. The places you love to go. But you can’t leave your bed, so too bad. Remember, you’re “lazy.” This is fun for you! We’ll open the window and have you see the most gorgeous day outside. But you’re “too lazy” to go out into it.
And no matter how thirsty you get, you will always be too lazy for a glass of water.
Please enjoy your stay in the “I’d love to be able to slack off too, but I can’t!” Wish Land.
ALL THE LAWNMOWERS.